I'm far too obsessed with my dreams

Whatever

These mood swings are driving me insane
Even if I were constantly depressed
I would prefer its regularity to this
I just want to be able to sleep
Yet nothing's stopping me now and for some reason I won't.
I think I'm just trying to put off tomorrow
And why not?
Nothing good will come of it

I'm sick of this up and down
They each make the other feel insincere and shallow
And the whole thing is making me nauseous

I just want to walk to school, listen to music I never liked all that much, stop for some coffee, and spend all day with a bleak look on my face
I want the gray back

Tick, tick, tick

Every day I dodge the sharp teeth
Of these larger-than-life gears
That slowly churn out boxes one after another
Each like the last
A 3-D image
A pale comparison of anything real
Not even solid enough to be considered plastic

Never have I experienced such hatred, such pity
Your smiles will never carry anything behind the teeth
And your words only serve as proof of just how empty you are
So laugh, joke, have a blast
You'll never get anywhere
Just continue on the treadmill until your time runs out
And a new box is churned out, identical to you
With each of your cliche problems,
With your standard features
And lack of personality
So laugh, joke, have a blast

I'll watch from the sidelines, if you don't mind

No, no

Disregard my bipolar ramblings
I'm fine, I'm good. I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Really
I'm fixing this
And you know what?
Today, I smiled as I walked through school.
That may just be a first for me.

I'm done trying to make this work

Because I simply can't
Everything around me has turned to shit
And what makes it scarier
Is realizing it has never been much better
7th grade
I enjoyed 7th grade
But ever since then I've hit a wall
I just can't be happy
It's just not who I am
And it's not my conditions
It's not the people around me
It's just ME.
And there's no way to fix it